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November 24, 2014
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Take Your Daughter to Work

Who in their right mind ever thought Take Your Daughter to Work Day was a good idea? They say it is supposed to inspire the girls and give them insight into possible career fields. I’m not sure who “they” are, but they are completely, utterly and definitely wrong. Take Your Daughter to Work Day is nothing more than an opportunity for them to ditch school and annoy the bejeebies out of their mom or dad.

I’ve been bringing my daughter to the office since she was wrapped in a blanket and all she did is eat, sleep and poop. (Huh? It’s amazing, but not much has changed in the past 15 1/2 years.) She has come to work with me more times than I care to remember (probably because I would need therapy if I remembered all of them) and has never once felt the newspaper business was a career she would enjoy. I can’t even get her to deliver her paper route without complaining.

It isn’t by choice that she joins me at work today. She recently turned that age every parent dreads and/or rejoices in. She became old enough to get her driver’s permit. My wife took her to the license bureau early, but there were already several people in line. My wife needed to get to work on time and, being the good husband I am, volunteered to stay with her until she was finished and take her to work with me. I don’t know what I was thinking. I must have been blinded by my wife’s charm and good looks.

As I write this column she is sitting across from me, switching from chair to chair, standing behind me, drawing on my white board and constantly fidgeting. She is making me extremely nervous.

I’ve been trying to concentrate and when I look across my desk she is stacking drink coasters, a hockey puck, markers, and other knick knacks. I have to admit her sense of balance is incredible. She was able to stack everything about two-feet high. Maybe we are on to something. Maybe by going to work with me at the newspaper she is opening her mind to another career field. I wouldn’t mind if she became an engineer.

Oh wait! Nevermind! Her first choice of Clown College may be where she is headed. She just ruined the engineering masterpiece she created when she took a piece of tape and wrapped it around her nose and attached it to her eyebrows to create a piggy nose… only to announce after pulling the tape off of her face, “I think I just tore off half of my eyebrow.”

She has been with me for less than an hour and I am more than ready for her mother to come and get her. I’m not sure if I will be able to survive another hour and a half.

I’m thinking about changing careers just so I can take my daughter to work and have her be a little more productive. Think of all the good she could do if I were a prison guard. There’s a good chance she would scare them straight (or start a riot).

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