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February 28, 2015
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The theory has been proven

I’ve come across a lot of people over the course of my life and there may be a few who tend to think I am an idiot. Their claims are based on assumptions since there have never been any cold, hard facts to support their belief. Of course they give their reasons. Some base it on a few columns where I have used bad grammar. I won’t deny my grammar is lacking at times, but you will run into that problem when you procrastinate and write said column at the last minute. I don’t want to point fingers (which means I do want to point fingers because I’m smart enough to know it – and you know what it is – rolls down hill)…but the person to blame could be my idiot proofreader.  (He’s not really an idiot and usually has my best interest in mind, but his mind sometimes comes and goes.)

With that said, for those that have theorized that I’m an idiot I humbly admit you are right. With anger in their eyes and sharp tongues in their mouths my youngest daughter and my wife were less than polite when informing me of my idiotness – idiocracy – idiocy. (Aww man! It’s really bad. Even with spell check I don’t know what I am.) I had to man-up and take my tongue lashing. All I could say was, “Yes dear. You’re right. I’m sorry.”

I now realize every time my wife, co-workers, family, friends, the creepy guy down the street and complete strangers called me brainless they weren’t being mean – they were being truthful. Let me explain how I learned I’m a little less than smart.

It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon. The sun was shining, birds were singing and fish were biting. It was a family get-together with my wife’s family and I was thoroughly enjoying my afternoon. I caught a couple of little blue gills, but I knew there was something bigger in that pond. My daughter had tired of fishing and I was using her pole as well as mine. As I was sitting there sipping on my soda the line started going out on my daughter’s pole. I reached down to grab it and missed. It headed for the water. I did the only thing a fisherman with the big one on the line would do. I went in the water after it. The fish broke the line, but I saved the fishing pole.

It may not sound too much like I’m an idiot yet, but there’s more. I didn’t empty my pockets before I took my little swim. To save a $13 fishing pole I nearly sacrificed two iPhones worth about $600. Not only was my phone in my pocket, but my daughter had left her phone on the ground and I picked it up so it wouldn’t get damaged. I thought I was being a good dad.

My oldest daughter agreed with my wife and youngest daughter that I’m an idiot when she learned I was taking her phone if mine didn’t work.

After spending a night in a bag of rice to dry out we had a little good news. The phones were working with a few glitches. My speaker isn’t working they way it should and one of the camera’s on my phone bit the dust. The other one still works, but I can only take selfies, which is perfect since most selfies make you look like an idiot.

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